Saturday, October 16, 2004



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Thursday, September 16, 2004

It's been a year.......

It's been a year according to the Islamic calendar. A year since my dearest mother passed away. I kept remembering those times when I brought her to the hospital for check ups and treatments. She was such a strong person... or she succeeded in concealing her pains mentally though not physically. Those moments kept running over and over again like a filmshow at the back of my mind. Her last few months... days.... hours... till her final moment. I cannot make out as to how I felt at the time. I was so confused, delusioned, sad. I recalled how she grabbed to kiss my cheek when I left her at the hospital on one of those days. While in the isolation ward, how I lay my head beside her and she stroked my hair. I felt her love and sympathy towards me. I should have been the one to give her that feelings instead. There were times when I lost my patience with her when i failed to acknowledge that she was ailing. I was stressed out having to keep her from knowing that her life was going to an end. I was grateful that I have my sisters around to keep me going and to share the sorrow. I sensed the greatest happiness while taking care of her. I am sure my sisters felt the same way when they had their share as well. I managed to tell her that I love her. She is the greatest mother and I wouldn't trade my love for her for anything else.

Al-fatihah. Amin.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Can I say life sucks? I really need to get a job soon. Running too dry and I'm dehydrating. Physically I'm tired. Mentally... i'm losing my mind. There are too many things i need to take care of.
What soothes me everytime..... those morning hugs from the 2 little girls. A peck on the cheek saying "I love you mama" or "I love you too, mama". And I do not need to say it first. They know how much love there is. Only the young lad is rather reserved with expressions.
There was an envelope for me today from Aisyah. The envelope was made by her. Inside a drawing of Ariel from the Little Mermaid. It was coloured beautifully and neatly and she wrote also "To mama, Thank you every thing". It may be short of grammar but it was so much full of love.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

I have always wanted to start a blog.

To begin with....
Another bad day for me. Bad weather at home and the servicing officer at the counter pissed me off. Blame it on Haslina for not being around (heheh). But hey, I am glad she's back home :) On the other hand... she's heading for a getaway with her bf to Bintan. So there goes one buddy. And I m stuck with ma sistas.... (so what else is new?) Abah is coming back tomorrow for his appointment at the polyclinic tomorrow. Why do I feel so scared? Coz I m dead broke. It's school hols... I wished I'd spend more time with my two beautiful girls and my bujang. Syafiq will be sitting for his PSLE this year. I keep telling myself that I should sit with him and revise. When will it start? Truth is... I really pity him... endless supplementary classes everyday, tuition thrice a week. Madrasah on weekend. So I thought I'd give him some space.